7 Things to Consider Before You Get Married

You want a rewarding and fulfilling marriage? You can have one, but you need a dose of reality first. Here are things you need to say “I do” to before walking down the aisle…

Do you have a sense of humour?
A sense of humour is vital, and the first person you have to laugh at is yourself. Consider this- men and women have to hook up on some level to propagate the species, proving God has a sense of humour. He obviously assumed
we would too.

Do you know you’ll have to work? Hard?
I asked the opinion of dozens of women for this topic, and the feedback was unanimous. You have to be willing to work. Some women think if you’re a perfect match, your marriage shouldn’t be work. Those people are called divorcees. It’s true your marriage shouldn’t be work every hour of every day, but there will be days when your marriage will require extra energy (a term I prefer over “work”). Like Grandpa used to say, anything worth having is worth working for. Welcome to Marriage

Do you realize marriage is not 50/50?
Gotcha! You figure you’ll give half, he’ll give half and you’ll meet somewhere in the middle. You poor, poor dear. The reality is, there will be some days you’ll give 90% and you may or may not get 10% back. There may be weeks or months that pass with the scales out of whack. Remember- you committed your whole life to him, and in your lifetime the scales will shift back in your favour. Interestingly, the scales will align faster if you abandon the scorecard and self-pity.

Do you have a general acceptance of your significant other’s shortcomings?
Does he leave the toilet seat up? Get over it. Are his table manners a fright? Look the other way. Is he a tight-wad? You better be at one with strict budgets. Try seeing your new hubby’s annoying habits as endearing. In addition to his positive traits, his quirks make him who he is. Figure out a way to truly accept the whole package- the good, the bad and the ugly.

Do you have expectations of your marriage or soon-to-be-spouse?
If you said “I do” to this one, start goggling divorce attorneys now.
Fundamental expectations like being treated well, being faithful, or being honest are covered by your wedding vows. If you want a long lasting marriage, let go of any romance novel or Lifetime movie expectations you have. The men in Hollywood are actors. Real men, generally speaking, are not geared for romance and eloquent, loving speeches. With this attitude, you’ll better enjoy the thoughtful little things your new husband does. Lowered expectations and happily ever after go hand in hand.

Do you know comparisons are a death sentence for marriages?
Like fingerprints, marriages are unique and specific to the two individuals involved and the one-of-a-kind bond they create. Instead of scowling at your husband when your friend brags about the romantic vacation her husband took her on, just smile. Maybe your friend left out how her husband ogled other women on the beach or said something at dinner that made her cry. You never know what goes on behind closed doors- be secure in what you and your husband share and the knowledge that it works for you.

Do you know your fiancé is bilingual?
Read a couple books about how men communicate or have a sit-down with your aunts and grandma. We think we grasp the Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus concept, but we don’t. He may not say “I love you” 14 times a day, but he might fill your car when it’s out of gas, maybe he’ll cover you with a blanket when you’re cold, he may bring you a glass of wine when you’re in the tub, or he might listen to stories about the kids when he just wants to crawl in a hole and go to sleep. You have to learn to read, understand and appreciate man-speak.

In order for a marriage to be successful, reality can’t be sugar-coated. Long term commitments are not for the faint of heart. A lasting union takes a great deal of love, patience, true grit and guts. The benefits are countless. I’ll leave you to discover those on your own.

The Pre-Nup” - Let’s Talk about Prenuptial Agreements

As you are in the second phase of life, you never thought you would fall in love. But, as life brings sweet surprises you have finally found Mr. Wonderful. Because of career choices and other priorities and circumstances, you are getting married now, later in life.

To the bride and groom, marriage is a loving contract between two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together, but in the eyes of the law, marriage is a contract between two people which is not about love but about a variety of financial rights and obligations. You should not look at a prenuptial agreement as a lack of faith in the relationship but as protection against unforeseen circumstances.

Think of it as an “insurance policy” covering the legal issues of your marriage contract that you get to write yourself. If it is difficult to talk about your loving, committed relationship as if it were a business arrangement, consulting with a legal, professional advisor will make it easier.

For more information, visit: www.ceremonieswithstyle.com.au

Why Have a Vow Renewal Ceremony?

There are myriad reasons for having a vow renewal ceremony and the way in which you wish to celebrate and commemorate can be designed to reflect your preferences & style.
Below Are Just Some of The Many Reasons For Having a Vow Renewal Ceremony & Celebration:

Milestone Anniversary – Make a “milestone” any year: From One Year to 60 Years.

A personal milestone

Simply for sentimental reasons

You simply want to celebrate your love and have a party

You never had a real wedding celebration. Perhaps you eloped and had a simple civil ceremony.

Now you want “the real deal” with all the trimmings.

The Two of you & your marriage have persevered through tumultuous times and as a result your relationship has grown deeper & more meaningful.

You’re about to celebrate your first year as a married couple and you want to celebrate. (Some couples have a vow renewal ceremony every anniversary.

You want a special romantic getaway with just the two of you, a “Destination Renewal of Vows.

You want to publicly renew your wedding vows and proclaim your love.

Include children, grandchildren, your parents, friends & other relatives in your ceremony. Involving children & grandchildren in your ceremony, or, even just having them witnesses such a meaningful ceremony is a wonderful example for them to experience!From the intimate private vow renewal ceremony/celebration to the “grand entrance, walk down the aisle,” I can create and officiate a deeply meaningful personalized ceremony for you.

Jan Littlejohn
Ceremonies with Style
http://www.ceremonieswithstyle.com.au/

Setting the Mood

Varieties of Entertainment

• Its hard to pick music that will please everyone. If you include a little from each music era, you will keep the atmosphere light and the dance floor full. Your day will call for different music. Your day will call for different music selections at various times. Hiring a professional means less headaches, both on the day and in the planning
  
  
• If you want live music make sure your venue is equipped with adequate space, power supply and no noise restrictions. If you request songs that aren’t in your bands usual repertoire, be sure to book well in advance so the band will have a chance to learn the new music.
  
  
• DJ’s can provide you with any sort of music you wish to hear. Some will even act as MC and have the experience to help create a terrific atmosphere. A DJ can supply you with your music for both your ceremony and reception. They can play your special selection as you walk down the aisle. Soft easy listening songs while you ear and then get the party rocking when all tasks have been completed.
  
  
• Classical & Jazz are brimming with flavour, ranging from soloists, jazz trio, flautist, string quartets, and pianists. They’re great for setting the mood at your ceremony and reception.
  
  
• Wedding/Cabaret Singers are flexible when performing your music requests. Many will give you the option of choosing your own songs or offer you choices from their own repertoire. Again, book well in advance so your entertainer can learn any new songs you may as for.

Your Expectations

Be clear with your entertainer and/or DJ about what you want and what you are expecting. This way you should avoid any disappointments on your special day.


By Jan Littlejohn
Ceremonies with Style
www.ceremonieswithstyle.com.au

Marriage Celebrant

Once you’ve chosen a venue for your ceremony, you’ll need to approach a marriage celebrant to officiate your wedding vows. If you and your partner are planning a religious ceremony, you will have an appointed celebrant referred to you by the venue

Points to consider

· How long will the ceremony be
· Can you add your own personal touches
· Are there restrictions on the throwing of rice/confetti
· Will there be adequate parking for guest
· Will there be adequate signage for guests to find your ceremony especially if it is being held outdoors in parklands.

A civil ceremony offers you freedom of choice for the location of your wedding. There are many reception venues that offer suitable ceremony locations on site, allowing you to spend more time with your guests.

A celebrant will enable your to personalize your ceremony. Many celebrants will allow you to choose your own vows (or help you write them), but they can also assist you in constructing a ceremony that is as unique as you are. Provided all legal requirements have been met your vows can be as creative as you wish.

Many marriage celebrants will be able to advise you on music selection guest and bridal party positioning, and they may even provide table’s chairs and copies of your ceremony. Some also offer a calligraphy service for your marriage certificate.

Because a celebrant plays such a big part in your wedding day make suite you and your partner both feel comfortable with your final choice. Make as may calls as you need to. If possible arrange a live five minute phone call or personal meeting. Above all whomever you choose should be able to accommodate all your requirements.

A celebrant must be licensed and a professional one will advise you up front of all their costs and charges as well as what is required from you.

When deciding what type of ceremony you would like, talk with both your families regarding any spiritual or religious beliefs you have

MARRIAGE LEGALITIES

What is Marriage

A marriage is described by the marriage act 1961 under the family law act 1975 (Cth) as the union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others voluntarily entered into for life. De facto relationships, homosexual, relationships and aboriginal customary marriages are not recognized as legal marriages.

Legal Requirements

The legal requirements for marriage are set out in the Marriage Act 1961 (Cth) the legal marriageable age is 18 years. In some circumstances a person ages 16 -18 can apply to the family court or their local magistrates court for consent to marry

Proper Notice and Ceremony

You must complete a “notice of intended marriage” (form13) and give this to the minister or celebrant at least one month and one day before the date of the intended marriage. The notice is valid for up to eighteen months, from the time it is given to the celebrant/minister

Change of Name

Proof of your marriage is a “Certificate of Marriage” which is signed by you and your partner, the celebrant or minister and two witnesses over the age of 18 and presented to you at the conclusion of the marriage ceremony. In many cases this is sufficient proof for couples to provide marriage and request a “change of name” However the Passports Office and some other organizations no longer accept the certificate presented the couple by their celebrant. In such cases, couples will need to apply to their Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages for the official certificate

Financial Agreements

Some people who are contemplating marriage may make a written agreement setting out how their property and financial resources will be dealt with if they separate

Must inform

· Employer
· Income tax office
· Driving license authority
· Passport office· Doctor & medical authorities
· Medicare
· Bank and building societies
· Credit cards companies
· Mortgage lender
· Investment & savings companies
· Life insurance & pension companies
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Jan Littlejohn is a one of Australia’s most respected Civil Celebrants for all occasions. Jan Littlejohn will share with you her expertise, knowledge, tips and resources that have been published around the world - visit www.ceremonieswithstyle.com.au

Tips for Writing Your Own Vows

· Start with a nice clean piece of paper.

· Write down the first 10 things that come to mind in response to this sentence: "I love (my partner’s name) because ..." Set this piece of paper aside.

· Now – how about YOU?

· What do YOU bring to this union? What promises will you make?

· Write down 4-5 things you want to promise this very special person with whom you want to spend your life.·

- Do you promise to be there in bad times as well as good?·
- Do you promise to be faithful with your body as well as with your mind and heart?·
- Do you promise to support your partner even when he/she isn’t perfect?
- Do you promise to share all your resources? Some?
- What about if he/she gets sick?
- What about if you have a serious fight?

· You get the idea . . . what are you promising in this union?

· Think about your relationship.· what words will you use? Husband? Wife? Spouse? Partner for Life?.

· If you’re each creating your own unique vow, insert a sentence symbolizing the fact that you come together as unique individuals, without surrendering your individuality, :
- John, I accept you as my husband.
- I embrace you, Susan, as my partner for life.

Whatever works for you, a wedding vow should contain a phrase that indicates your commitment.
Read your vow out loud to a trusted someone other than your partner. Does it sound like you? you have created one of the greatest gifts you will ever make.

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Jan Littlejohn is a one of Australia’s most respected Civil Celebrants for all occasions. Jan Littlejohn will share with you her expertise, knowledge, tips and resources that have been published around the world - visit www.ceremonieswithstyle.com.au

More Wedding Handy Hints

Book Early

There are some days when I'd love to be able to clone myself - so many wonderful people, and only one me. Celebrants and local wedding venues often have bookings up to two years in advance. March and November are the most popular months - and "everything wedding" will be heavily booked around those times. You may like to think about either a Friday evening or Sunday wedding.

Bridesmaids

A plea from a local dressmaker - when selecting your bridesmaids do take into account how far they will have to travel for fittings. You may like to purchase enough fabric and patterns for all your bridesmaids and have each lady have their own made. Please too, consider both mothers, they may like to tone in with the bridal party, and each be consulted about what the other is wearing.

Brides "men"

Yes, these days a Bride can have men as her attendants, so too can the Groom have a "Best Woman".

Budget

This is important and may need to be discussed with all contributing parties. Decide who is paying for what. It can be helpful to decide early who is organising which aspects of the wedding. Look under Checklist for a guide. If your budget is really tight, you may like to contemplate a late morning ceremony and a catered picnic lunch (local guests could bring outdoor chairs and tables).

Ceremony

What would you like to share with your guests about your relationship? What does your relationship mean to you? Is the Bride going to be "given away"? Perhaps both of you would like to be "given away" by your families? I really want to help make your day as wonderful as possible, and therefore will create and personalise your Ceremony just for you.

Children

A wonderful addition to any wedding, but they do get tired so you might like to time your ceremony around their sleep patterns. There are many simple ways children can be included, from flower girls and ring bearers to the important job of holding the bouquet. If children are to be included in the Ceremony, it is important to have a rehearsal beforehand so they know what is expected of them.One of the most important times for children is immediately after the Ceremony. They can tend to feel left out of things, so it's important to nominate an adult who they are comfortable with, to take charge - of course telling them how well they did.

Some couples hire a nanny or clown for the reception so children can attend the formal part then adjourn to a separate room for fun activities.

Confetti

A lot of wedding venues forbid the use of confetti because of its environmental impact. Your guests may like to use bubbles, dried rose petals or rosemary (a sign of fertility) instead.

Decisions

Oh so many of these to be made and often, so many people trying to make them. This can be really tricky sometimes, after all, its your day. You may like to let the major contributors take decisions in turns - sometimes the nest way to nip conflict in the bud before it arrives.Facials: If you are contemplating a facial, Beauty Therapists suggest three days prior for your skin to look it's best on the day. And if you don't already.. a few weeks before the wedding add a lot of fresh fruit to your diet. Your skin will glow health and vitality.

Gifts

This can be difficult for guests when couples have already set up house. Some stores offer a Wedding Register service whereby you leave a “Wish List” from which guests can select a gift that also suits their budget. Alternatively you may like Guests to donate to your favourite charity. One couple had an early morning wedding, no gifts, and guests paid for their own breakfast. There's often a family member or friend who would really like to help out. A handy job for them would be to get them to write what gift came from who on the back of the card attached. That way all the cards can be kept separate and you can thank each person for their specific gift.

Guests

If your guests are coming from out of town, along with a local map, you may like to include points of interest/restaurants etc in your area. Accommodation: Do you have treasured relatives and/or friends who may need to travel long distances for your special day? If so, accommodation may be heavily booked at certain times of the year. Budgets for guests will also factor into this, as at peak season the rates will rise.

Guest Book

You may like to warn guests prior, so they can bring a special poem or saying, photo or memory for your Guest Book. With their invitation you could also mail them a blank scrapbook page on which they can write their happy memories of you.An alternative to this, at the reception have a framed canvas, on which guests can write a short message.

Guest Activities

Your photos can take up to two hours. What do you do for your guests? You may like to think about some of the following to keep them amused. Have them taught line dancing/how to work a hula hoop, rent circus side shows (coconut shies etc), hire a magician/ comedian/tarot reader/puppet show, serve high tea, have a wine tasting.

"Hen Party" or Stag Night

Much as these events may be fun for the participants, you may like to think about holding these events 2 or 3 weeks prior to the wedding. Legally a Celebrant cannot perform the wedding ceremony if one of the couple is "under the influence" of anything other than love!

Helpful relatives and friends

There are many areas where those wishing to help can be a great asset. From someone with great handwriting doing the place-cards to that very organised friend writing/typing out envelopes for the thank you cards, there are a myriad of jobs available.

Honeymoon

Book your honeymoon early - you may need to get Visas, etc.

Invitations

Invitations are generally sent out two months prior to the day, earlier if the wedding is to be held during a popular holiday time. Please include your "Plan B" option in case of rain, with a couple of mobile numbers (helpful friends) guests can contact on the day.

Lateness

Not fun for the Groom nor the Guests. The number of times I've heard someone say "Oh its the Bride's prerogative to be late"...this in 38 degree heat with a lot of the men sweltering in their suits. Often this is not the fault of the Bride/Groom/ etc. Emergencies (hairdresser's power going out, photographer's car not starting etc) can sure happen on the day so book your appointments early.

Marriage

Food for thought, so many couples say after the wedding "If only we'd stressed less about the wedding and focused more on our marriage". A pre marriage class or counselling can be invaluable and a great distraction to the myriad of details needing attention for the wedding.

Music

Please - if you're having a live band or singer for your Processional/ walking in music, let your guests and Celebrant know if they are going to play the entire song.

Photos

Ah, that wonderful creative photographer! All too often they get carried away with taking that perfect shot....meanwhile, back at the venue your groom, guests and Celebrant are melting. Being over 10 minutes late is not fair and not an option.

Some couples create a website on which they will put photos for their guests to view. There are also sites like

www.ringo.com where you can post your photos so families and friends can also view them.

Lighting

If having an afternoon wedding, you may like to think about getting some of your photos taken before the Ceremony. This can save a lot of waiting time for your guests, and allow time before daylight disappears. Do check with your photographer before scheduling.

Plan B

Important, important ..and did I mention important! No-one wants you and your guests to get drenched. As mentioned under "Invitations" helpful friends with mobiles can be invaluable to redirect guests to an alternative venue if you get rained out. If the weather looks doubtful and you are having chairs for your guests, a supply of old towels can also be handy to wipe the rain off the seating.

Seating Plan for the reception

Ask me to email you information on this. It was too large a file to put in here but contains some handy information.

Style

Would you both like a formal or relaxed style of wedding? What reflects your personalities? Your guests will appreciate knowing the style, formal or casual.

Thank You to your Guests

Australia Post offer a service whereby they will do a special (legal) postage stamp featuring one of your wedding photos. Ph 131318 http://pstamps.auspost.com.au/index_wf.html

Themes

Some couples have theme weddings, i.e. Star Trek, Rock and Roll, or everyone wearing the same colour. Another different idea is to hold the wedding at a place of special significance, e.g. the school where you met, the park where the proposal took place. You could even have a "This is your Life" theme, where guests bring something significant representing their connection with you. Alternatively, if you are like a lot of couples who want a casual event, you may like to have a Barbeque reception.

Timing

To contemplate - Do you have many older guests or children in your bridal party or as guests? If so, you may like to opt for an earlier ceremony so they won't get too tired. Many couples are now opting for Friday or Sunday weddings. Another alternative is to split your day. Have a special breakfast (or lunch) with older family members then hold your ceremony late morning (or afternoon). Lunch (or dinner) can then be held with friends and work colleagues.

Venue

If your wedding is outdoors, you may like to actually go there at the same time of the day that the wedding is scheduled. Are your guests going to be in full sun or shade? How much passing traffic noise is there? Are there any local churches which may have bell ringing practise? Bookings can be heavy at popular wedding venues - check out the availability early if you have a favourite.
Should you wish to marry in a public place you will need both the permission of Council, (or other Government department), and often a booking. If outdoors, you will need a contingency plan in case of bad weather.

Once a venue is booked, it can help save arguments later if you get quotes and confirmations in writing. Use the expertise of the Venue Staff - they have years of experience.

Wills

(From a legal eagle). Marriage revokes existing wills, unless they were made specifically in contemplations of the marriage. If either of the couple should die suddenly without having made a new will, the estate would go according to the laws of intestacy, which is not always what the person would have wanted. With so many second marriages and split families these days, new wills are essential.

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month .. which we know today as the honeymoon.

Jan Littlejohn

Ceremonies with Style

http://www.ceremonieswithstyle.com.au/